I want to feel labour!

IMG_0318Since I had Molly by emergency caesarean-section back in February I have longed to feel what labour would be like.


I want to feel the pain of a contraction (although I may have during the induction but I thought it was trapped wind).

I want to know how it feels to push a baby out of me, rather than having it taken out of me.

I want to feel like I did not fail as a mother by having a section (I know this is not the case but I do feel a lesser mum).

I want to feel the joy of having my baby handed straight to me, not 45 minutes later (baby was taken away to be checked before I even got to see her, then was placed in husbands arms not mine).

I want to be the first person to hug my newborn, maybe even be the person who finds out what sex it is first.

I want to look back on the initial few minutes of my baby's birth with joy, not with upset.

I did not realise just how much Molly's birth has bothered me until now. I am sat writing this with tears streaming down my face.

The actual c-section was great. From arriving at the hospital to having Molly I can not complain really. We were relaxed. It was pain free. We sang to the radio as nothing happened with the induction. It was jovial, it was great!

I just feel I missed out. I missed out and you can never get those moments back. Molly was my first born I can't have another first born.

I don't think I saw Molly until she was in her nappy. She was wrapped up and over by my husband who got the first hugs from her family. I went through nine months of pregnancy and didn't get the first hugs!!! I just got to crane my neck and look at one side of her face. She was then taken from my husband and placed in a cot. A cot!!! When her mum was right there wanting a hug she was placed in a cot. I didn't even know where they had put her and stared at the ceiling until one nurse pointed out she was over at the other side of the room. I could hardly see her.

Finally as we were wheeled out of the operating theatre she was placed beside me on my bed. I got my baby at last.

Training Mummy

Training Mummy is a 30 something mum to two beautiful children - a girl born February 2014 and a boy born in October 2015.

5 comments :

  1. I felt similar after I had Daniel; despite him being a 'natural' birth. I think what I took away from the whole thing was that it doesn't matter how your baby arrived; the labour and birth is such a short period of time.

    its the days, weeks, months and years that matter, and the time, attention and love you give Molly.

    That said, I completely sympathise x

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  2. We all bring our babies into this world differently, but what matters is that we welcomed this new, beautiful angel into the world. :) You are truly blessed. I just gave birth last month in September and I just can't stop looking at this little bundle of joy. I'm sure you are the same! Also, thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a such a kind comment. I really appreciate new readers. :)

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  3. I think because of birth and then not being able to breastfeed I feel a lesser mum. I know in reality ok not and that Molly is thriving. I didn't realise how much it bothered me but now I am looking at number two it is making me sadder.

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  4. They are such wonderful little people who change your life forever. We are eight months on and still I pinch myself to see if everything is really so good!
    Love meeting new bloggers too!
    Nice to meet you. Can't wait to get to know you more.

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  5. there is so much pressure on mums to do a whole host of things. As long as she is happy and content that's the main thing xx

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