Hormones, depression, other? Why am I emotional

Over the past week I have been feeling emotional. It has taken me a while to work out why. At first I thought it was because I was tired, or unwell. I seemed to be crying over nothing. I was worried it was the start of depression - HV had mentioned you can get PND from 9-12 months after baby was born. Cue many days googling and getting nowhere.

It then dawned on me that every time I think about Molly growing up it upsets me. No because she has any problems, or that there is anything wrong with her, but that she is growing up so fast. Where have the last 9 months gone? Where has my tiny baby gone? I see pictures of young babies and I miss those days so much. I don't understand why I am so upset about it as these days, as Molly's character shines through, and I watch her learn new skills, are amazing. I love seeing her develop and I just love spending time with her but I will admit it does make me feel emotional.

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I think I am worried that I long for baby number two (and in time hopefully baby number three) and that I might not be able to conceive. Of course I have read all the scare stories about fertility and past c-sections and so have convinced myself that I will be infertile, or it will take years and not months to fall pregnant.

We have decided that we will be trying for baby two within the next few months. Now is too early for us abut we don't want to big a gap. Last time we conceived first time so the thought of actually having to try terrifies me. I dread the two week wait, the negative test, the feeling of failure (I know I will get so upset each time my period comes).

I also already worry about the whole "will I love my second baby as much as my first". I know I will be able to do that and that it won't be a case of sharing my love, I will have endless love for all the children I will have. Again it is another reason why I get emotional.

Then there is the worry about sharing time between Molly and a newborn. How do you spread yourself around enough? Millions of parents do this already so there is no reason why I couldn't manage just as well as the next person can.

Maybe it is because it is becoming more real that I will be actively trying for another baby? Maybe it is because I feel my biological clock ticking away. Is it because I get emotional when thinking about M's birth and breastfeeding failures.

Until then I will cuddle, kiss, play, teach. comfort and enjoy spending time with my ever growing little girl who I am besotted with.

 

Training Mummy

Training Mummy is a 30 something mum to two beautiful children - a girl born February 2014 and a boy born in October 2015.

2 comments :

  1. Oh the whole thing is so emotional! I've just had my 4th and have been so relieved to get to the end of a difficult and stressful pregnancy, so happy that baby is well and I am grieving that pregnancy! Why? It was not a pleasant 9 months but I am so so sad that its over! Hormones are crazy aren't they? And as they grow the emotions get stronger! Lots of love to you x x x

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  2. It is very emotional and i grieved pregnancy too. Didnt realise i would miss it. Congrats on baby 4!! Hormones are horrod things at times.

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